I’ve had an email this morning from my CPN with a brief apology for getting mixed up about yesterday’s appointment. She has suggested a date for an appointment with the OT support worker who (I hope) is going to help me tackle some healthy living issues – meal plans, exercise etc, and the date suggested is in 2 weeks and would mean missing the next time that the support group is on after the Easter break. I’ve emailed back explaining that if I miss the support group that day, it would be 3 weeks until I am next able to get to the support group (and seeing as how that is my only real source of social interaction and support at the moment) and so I am reluctant to miss it.
My CPN has offered me another appointment on 23/12/10 – I presume she means 23 April and that the date she has given me is a mistake (a freudian slip?). I can’t see her on that day as our support group is going out on a day trip to visit an exhibition of paintings by another member of the support group. She said in her email that she is reducing her hours to 3 days per week which means that it is going to get more difficult to arrange to see her, as I won’t be able to see her on Tuesdays after I’ve been to the support group.
So another reason now for changing CPN but as I discussed with one of the support workers yesterday, my CPN is best placed to support me through the ESA appeal as she knows the situation and having known me for 6 years, her input is likely to be given significant credence by the tribunal.
Having replied to her email, asking whether the OT support worker can meet me on a different day or the same day but later on after the support group, and giving my CPN dates when I am not available in April to meet her, I am now wondering whether I have been assertive or awkward. I feel as if I am being awkward for not agreeing to the dates she has suggested, but I know that if I do agree to those dates, and miss out on the support group (which is hugely important to me at the moment), I will feel resentful and angry and so that will affect the way I engage during the appointment. But I kind of get the feeling that SUs are supposed to be grateful for whatever support we can get from the CMHT and therefore should be grateful for any appointment, even if it is inconvenient. And so I don’t know if I am being assertive or awkward.
Not sure if I mentioned in yesterday’s post that I got a letter in yesterday’s post from the Tribunals Service. My ESA appeal is going to a Tribunal but a judge has decided that, despite the fact that I sent in my appeal well after the month allowed for appealing, that my appeal will be allowed – presumably they are allowing it to be heard in view of the fact that I clearly explained how the whole process of ESA and the work involved in submitting an appeal had caused considerable additional symptoms and I had not been well enough to submit an appeal within a month. So that is one small hurdle overcome, but I am very very anxious about the prospect of having to go to a Tribunal. And there is no indication of timescales, so I have no idea of how long the process will take. I have heard that there is a considerable backlog of appeals so it could take months and months yet.
I wonder which will come sooner – a Tribunal or an appointment with my CPN?
Yesterday’s post also brought the shoes I’d bought on Ebay and I am really pleased with them. They are second hand but in pretty good condition and are just what I had wanted. I had planned to wear them today when I go into the service user group’s office this afternoon but it is now snowing so I think it will be a boots day today.
I’d better get my (fat) arse into gear and think about today’s To Do list and then go and get dressed. I am not going out till about 1pm but I’ve done no washing up since Sunday and my bedroom is a mess again. And I will need to pack up my laptop and various paperwork to take with me to the office later. So as it is 10.30 now, although there is plenty of time to get things done, I don’t want to end up being late and stressing.
I don’t think you are being unreasonable. A support group is part of your treatment if it helps you, and unless it is absolutely unavoidable you shouldn’t have to trade one type of support for another, which is what you are doing if you have a clash with your appointments and support group. As long as you are upfront and say when you can and can’t make I don’t think they can have a problem with that. x
Comment by Bippidee — 31/03/2010 @ 1:59 PM
Thanks Bip, for the reassurance. I guess I had kind of hoped that my CPN would have explained to the OT worker that I go to the support group on certain days and so I wouldn’t be available for other appointments on those days. And then I feel a bit bad in case I am expecting too much of my CPN. And then I can spend hours mulling it all over obsessively – am I demanding? am I being awkward? am I expecting too much?
My CPN and I have agreed to meet on 7 April (I thought she would be off next week because of the school hols but she isn’t) so that’s sorted now. We will be meeting to discuss whether or not she is going to continue as my CCO but apparently the manager of the CMHT wants to meet with me too, to discuss the care plan advance statement which I had written. I’m really anxious about that because I still feel like I did the wrong thing by writing it. So I’m feeling quite stressy about it all.
Comment by mentalhealthserviceuser — 31/03/2010 @ 2:52 PM
You have not done anything wrong at all with your Care Plan – service users are supposed to be involved in their care plans, and for some people that may mean writing their own, and I think if people can do that then it should be encouraged!
I am glad you have managed to find a time to see your CPN, and I hope a suitable day for you to see the OT comes through soon.
If your CPN is your care coordinator you definitely aren’t expecting too much in my opinion – her job is to coordinate your care, and so I don’t think you are being at all unreasonable thinking she might have told the OT about other aspects of your care!
Comment by Bippidee — 31/03/2010 @ 7:48 PM
Bip – I’ve read and reread the CPA guidance and also the CPA policy for my local MH Trust and on paper it all sounds good. The reality of it though is very different. No one (not my CPN, GP, Psych doc, or Support workers) has said “Well done” and they have all seemed surprised and dismayed that I have done this. The manager of the CMHT wants to meet with me to discuss it. I wish I’d never written my own Advance Directive Plan now, it has caused me so much emotional turbulence and has definitely affected my relationship with my CPN and other professionals.
And now of course, I’m doubting my own judgement – I feel that people do not approve of what I have done but I don’t know if that is true or if it is my negative perception.
I’m really glad you agree that my CPN should have told the OT worker when I am not available for an appointment due to going to support group – that is what I thought. However, I suspect that it is more a case of having to accept whatever is available due to CMHT staff workloads. I was referred to the OT worker in Jan and have been waiting until now for an appointment with her.
But I also think that my CPN doesn’t realise just how important the support group is for me, and she doesn’t really understand the full extent of my day to day problems in socialising, going out etc. I don’t think she has any idea of the amount of anxiety caused and the extent of the fatigue afterwards. Sometimes I wish she would just say “Well done for going out” but she never does and doesn’t seem to realise how much effort it has taken to get myself up, dressed and out. That’s another reason for wanting to change CPN but I don’t know if I am expecting too much and whether anyone else would be any different. I’ve stuck with this CPN for 6 years despite not feeling happy with her, simply because “better the devil you know”.
Comment by mentalhealthserviceuser — 01/04/2010 @ 9:51 AM